Hastiest Handiwork
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"OMG How Could They Do This to Me?"
by Mike Vuono
June 27th, 2019


So The Office is leaving Netflix at the end of NEXT year and apparently people are already upset and what not. It will be available on NBC’s streaming thing, which most people will not subscribe to. We inch closer and closer to a la carte streaming services costing us more than a cable subscription, should we want to watch all our favorite shows legally.

I think it’s good that The Office is departing Netflix. Fuck it.

I’m not going to shit on anyone who watches The Office. I’ve watched the series full-through over a hundred times. That’s a conservative estimate. I have my own copy of the full series. I have a copy of the “The Office Extended” where some dude added in all the deleted scenes from every episode in more or less the correct timeline, to create an “uncut” version of each episode. I’m currently editing episodes of The Office into short poetic garbage. I did a gig years ago at the University of Scranton and bought a t-shirt just because it was tangentially related to The Office. my blood runs big red.

But what I will shit on, is people being outraged over a show not being on their preferred streaming service any longer, and the avoidance in people to take a step back and really look at if they’re using their time in the best possible way.

Maybe instead of watching The Office you could, I don’t know, do anything else. Read a book. Really, just sit and quietly read for an hour, see how it goes. Who cares what the book is, just sit there and read it. Not so bad. Keep reading.

Maybe start running. just an easy, light jog around your neighborhood. Don’t worry about much, just get out there, and run easy. Talk to yourself, or better yet, go with a buddy and talk to them the whole time. If you can talk easily, you’re doing good. Just breathe. Breathe.

Maybe ditch Netflix. Ditch HBO. Subscribe to some higher quality Youtube channels about topics you find interesting.

Then go a step further, sign up for Feedly. Punch in those Youtube channels you watch as feeds. Turn off notifications. Only check out your Feedly subscriptions for these video channels once a week. You won’t miss anything important, and you’ll get to veg out like a complete fucking log on that one day a week, just staring a hole through your monitor as dumb movie reviews, interesting short documentaries, and some guy making a clay hut pass over your eyes.

And read more, for fuck’s sake. Just, don’t worry about The Office. The Office is doing fine.



"The Office" count: 8